Top Ten Most American People Ever Period

After long hours, a lot of research, ridiculous debates, sweat, and tears, the NR staff has critically critiqued all Americans ever recorded in textbooks (almost) and put together what we feel is the top ten list of most American people ever; thus...

The NR's Top Ten Most American People Ever:

10. Dwight Kurt Schrute
 9. Sarah Palin/Tina Fey
 8. Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Maggie Simpson
 7. George Washington
 6. Charlton Heston
 5. Ronald Reagan
 4. Captain America
 3. Martin Luther King
 2. John Wayne
 1. George W. Bush

And to quote our #1:

"God bless America." 

And happy fourth.

 - The NR

Lettitor: Zuckerburg

Dear Mr. Zuckerburg, 

I can understand why their is no dislike button or hate button available to on Facebook, but for the love of Pete, man! Why a love hasn't yet been approved and/or htmled is beyond me. Sometimes I love a status, picture, or comment so much that I press the like button twice. But do you know what happens when you press the like button twice? You ended up unliking said status, picture, or comment. If you won't let me like something twice, let me love it once.

I understand that the comment section is available for further like/love declarations on Facebook activity as well as CAPS and emoticons to further express emotions via the web. But the simplicity of liking something with just a click is so incredibly empowering. I can easily and quickly like anything and anyone I wish to like. The like button empowers me to like more! It empowers all of us to like more. We could be loving more though. Don't you want us to love more? 

Just think about introducing the love button, Zuckerburg, if you haven't yet. Let the love button be the next big Facebook accomplishment. I would love it if you did - I would even love it twice if you'd let me. 

Like (because you won't let me love you),  

Newsh Christensen

Editor and Chief

The Newsh Report

newshme@gmail.com

PS Congratulations on your recent marriage as well. Really though, what better time to love?!

The NR Theory on Less-Than-Tasteful Wedding Announcements

To follow up on the last Newsh Report post, the NR staff would like to relay a new and disruptive theory on less-than-tasteful wedding announcements. The Flat-Brimmed White Hat Failure and the Jedi Bride Fiasco both previously mentioned inspired an opposite train of thought regarding these couples. Most of us here at the Newsh Report and 87% of all other people we should have interviewed agree that when they see a less-than-tasteful announcement it usually sends the message, "Don't."


But newshers and other followers of the Newsh Report, consider this:

In these circumstances we have failed to acknowledge the old adage, "Love is blind." The NR Research team recently took a extensive poll* on if people thought the old adage was true. Our results are that 100% of 63% of the people interviewed felt it was true. These results obviously show that it must be true. And with the proven assumption that love is blind, maybe the next time we see an ugly, tacky, stupid, dumb quote-filled, choking, groping, snogging, bling flaunting, train track posing, leg/arm wrestling (yes), or twelve pictures too many wedding announcements, we can smile and say, "They must really love each other."

Nevertheless, we hope to never be that in love.





Cheers Blind Lovers!










*This information may or may not be completely accurate. The Newsh Report takes zero responsibility for the inaccuracies of these results.